Chapter 2

Ava

Deep breath in. Deep breath out. Stretch your legs. Flex the muscles in your shoulders. Roll your neck from side to side.

It doesn’t matter what I do.

The tension in my neck, hell, in my body, remains.

“Ava, you can pack up now. I think that was our last patient for the day.” Dr. Parker smiles kindly at me.

I smile back gratefully.

“Thank you! I hope you had a good day.” I grab my phone, my notebook, and my lunch bag.

“Yeah, I just wish people were less stressed out. It’s hell on their teeth.”

“Tell me about it.” I know what Dr. Parker means. I have been grinding my teeth more and more lately.

My molars are pretty much ground down.

And I don’t even know why. That’s been the most frustrating thing about my life recently. I don’t want to think about the pain the teeth grinding brings. I find myself constantly massaging the sides of my jaw.

For the past few weeks, I have been grinding my teeth, having nightmares, and there’s a tightness in my chest that doesn’t come untangled. Anxiety. It starts with the tight chest and spreads into my hands shaking and shortness of breath. No matter how many relaxing podcasts I listen to or what essential oils I use or whatever method I turn to, I can’t seem to relax.

And I think it could be because of the memory loss.

I shudder slightly as I walk outside. It’s bone-chillingly, unseasonably cold. The street outside the dental practice is deserted.

I couldn’t find parking that morning, so I parked at the far end of the block. I’ll have to walk about ten minutes to get there.

Maybe you should have paid for a premium parking spot like Dr. Parker did. You would even have gotten a bumper sticker for free.

The voice in my head speaks mockingly. It does that a lot.

Sometimes I wonder if my inner voice was so… bitter before the memory loss. Was I this hard on myself before the accident?

The accident happened five years ago. It was brutal. A truck practically flattened my car beneath it.

I broke both of my legs, and an arm. And I also sustained a traumatic brain injury.

My short-term memory was pretty much shot afterward. My working memory is also a shredded mess.

I was thankful that I retained some long-term memories, but there are patches of my life that are completely blank.

I woke up in the hospital in a haze of pain and grief that I didn’t own. My parents and sister both burst into tears when they saw me open my eyes.

I knew them on sight, and also started crying when they explained what happened.

The pain went away after a while, but the grief stayed. And I don’t even know what I’m grieving. I cannot remember what it is I have lost but I feel it all the same.

I have to slow down on my way to the car because the ache in my chest becomes overwhelming. I try to breathe through it, like my therapist taught me. But I can’t.

I don’t know how to breathe in those moments when something – or someone – I do not remember has hijacked my brain.

My body has been hijacked too.

While I hate the fact that my brain has become a muddled mess, there are things more disturbing than even that.

And I’m sure that it has something to do with the blank spaces in my brain.

It started a few months after the accident. I had gotten through physiotherapy successfully, and I was walking on my own again.

I was still in therapy and had been diagnosed with PTSD, so at first I put everything down to the trauma of the accident.

But things got better. I wasn’t afraid of driving any longer, and I moved to Grand Rapids to get away from the crazy Chicago drivers. But the nightmares, the aching in my chest, those haven’t gone away. The nightmares don’t even make any sense, which is the most frustrating part of it all.

Because maybe, just maybe if they made sense, I could have something to hold onto. And if I had something to hold onto, maybe I could figure it all out.

They always start the same way.

I’m surrounded by darkness. I’m cold, so cold that I’m shivering. All I’m wearing is a thin shirt and nothing else.

Then I dissolve into the darkness, and the darkness becomes a physical thing, like a prison. I start screaming, and a thousand other nameless, faceless people start screaming along with me.

Scroll to keep reading...

Chapter 2 Continued

Then I wake up with a jolt, reaching for the empty side of the bed next to me. It’s as though I’m reaching for someone who I know should be there.

But after the accident, there was never any sign of someone in my life. My parents didn’t know if I was seeing anyone either.

But there had to be. There has to be someone out there. And maybe that is why I still hold so much grief inside me.

I hurry up, desperate to get home. Work has been brutal lately, and I’m completely strung out from it.

But luckily it’s margarita night, and my sister is coming over. I need as much tequila as I can safely drink in one night.

Hopefully, it will chase the nightmares away. I just need one night’s good sleep.

I shiver again as the cold seeps in through my thick jacket and scarf. The weather has been strange lately.

It has been overcast, and even though it’s supposed to be spring, the temperature has been lingering toward a cold season.

A truck carrying wooden logs passes down the street, but other than that, I’m completely alone. Dr. Parker’s last patient of the day ran late so everyone else has already left, and the sun is close to setting.

I jump, shuddering as a crow caws and clicks, only a few feet away from me. It’s on the ground, hopping up to me, as I finally walk up to my car. It makes a rattling sound with its beak, cocking its head at me. Then, with a deafeningly loud caw, it vaults into the sky with one flap of its wings.

Strange, that a creature that small should be so powerful.

The words falter through my mind distractedly. My mind is still so focused on the bird that I don’t realize something I should have. I’m standing in front of the open driver’s side door when a hand shoots out behind me and slams it closed.

I whirl, a scream caught in my throat that quickly dies as my brain registers who I’m looking at. The fear pulsing through my body ebbs, quickly replaced by a burning rage.

“What the fuck, Billy!” I screech, shoving him back. He laughs, stumbling a little too much from my shove against his chest. I can smell the whiskey on him even with more space between us, and I try to keep the disgust from my face.

“C’mon, Ava, is that any way to greet your boyfriend?” He slurs, taking a half-step toward me as he attempts a smirk. I roll my eyes, not bothering to hide exactly how I feel about that statement.

“You’re not my boyfriend, Billy. And you’re drunk. Go home.”

“I thought little Miss Rules would know better than to let a friend drive drunk,” he retorts, leaning against my car. I know he means the motion to look casual, another move he’s carefully crafted and retrieved from his alpha-hole rolodex, but it only betrays how drunk he really is. 

“I’d hardly call us friends. I told you to leave me alone, I need some space from…” I trail off before gesturing loosely at him, “You know. This.”

Billy gasps, clutching his chest in exaggerated hurt before dissolving into a snicker. “And I’ve given you space. What’s one ride gonna hurt? I just need to sleep it off. I won’t even try and get into your cute little panties, scout’s honor,” he adds, giving me a mockery of a salute.

Yeah. I definitely don’t want to fucking deal with this. 

“For the last time, Billy, no. You’re not getting in my car.”

I go to open my door again, tired of arguing with my old situationship, when Billy’s arm shoots out faster than should be possible for someone so clearly inebriated. I try to tug against his hand, but he holds the door closed as he eases his weight back onto his feet, all traces of casual, drunken movement gone.

“I don’t know that you have much of a choice anymore, Ava.”

A chill rolls down my spine at the cold, unrecognizable tone that’s seeped into the voice I thought I knew. Panic blares in my mind, some ancient, primal instinct screaming above everything else. One thought, over and over, blares in my mind as I try to force my horror-stricken body to move.

You’re prey.

Run.

I swallow against the tightening of my throat, trying to cling to some sense of normalcy. Why would I be scared of Billy? Sure, he’s an asshole who doesn’t think ‘no’ applies to him, but he’s mostly harmless.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Have you been waiting for me or something? Seriously, Billy, this is a new fucking low. Go home and sleep it off in your own bed.” By the grace of God I manage to keep my voice even, but my words tremble slightly as I end my tirade, and I can tell that Billy doesn’t miss it– in fact, I’d be surprised if he couldn’t hear my heartbeat, it’s beating so loudly against my ribs.

Billy’s green eyes glint dangerously, the bones of his face seeming to break beneath the skin, roiling like maggots beneath the surface of a trash bag. His teeth elongate as he grins at me, his mouth spread in a macabre, too-wide grin. Another scream begins to bubble in my throat, the panic that’s been blaring in my mind since this interaction began reaching a fever pitch. 

I stumble backward, losing my footing in my panic and crashing to the ground. The contents of my purse clatter down around me, the sound echoing off the walls of the surrounding buildings as I scramble backward a few steps. 

I raise my arms in front of me on instinct as Billy staggers forward a step, closing the distance I’d put between us. Even as his body crumples and changes, his eyes never leave mine. And that nightmarish smile never leaves his face.

“We have places to be, Miss Rules. People are waiting for us,” he grinds out, his voice stretched somewhere between his familiar timbre and a gravelly, animalistic growl. The words themselves hardly register as I try to size up my options. 

The dark of the evening has crept in. I know running isn’t an option, and while the low light might help me hide from a human being, it’ll do nothing but give the changing shifter before me an advantage.

I don’t have time to decide before Billy lunges at me.